Lets talk toxic positivity!

What is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is an excessive optimistic state. You might have heard ‘look on the bright side’ ‘others have it worse’ ‘good vibes only!’ These are just a few examples of toxic positivity you might hear in day to day life.

While these phrases may be intended with no harm and seem encouraging and uplifting, they can have the opposite affect and the result can be quite damaging. Not only is this mindset not acknowledging and undermining struggles but it can make people less likely to reach out in fear that they’re ruining the mood or even lead them to a state of denial which in turn can be more destructive.

By denying your own experience it can form a lack of trust within yourself, if you can’t trust yourself how can you expect others to trust you or to trust others?

Storing repressed emotions can also manifest in unhealthy habits and relationships, you may find yourself projecting anger or sadness onto others when it’s not theirs to hold and therefore hurting others around you.

So how do we stop this trend?

Call it out. This can be scary to most to call out friends or family but there are ways to phrase it to educate rather than shame.

Next time you notice someone using toxic positivity on you rather than agreeing you might say something like ‘I appreciate you wanting to cheer me up but right now I really need to sit with this feeling and would love your support with it and then maybe when I’m ready we can talk about finding a solution.’

Find comfort in knowing if this is still met with a hostile attitude, it’s most likely their emotion to hold and not yours, something within them is not ready to be held accountable.  If someone else is going through a difficult time rather than imposing toxic positivity make sure to acknowledge what they are going through without judgement.

This might be as simple as ‘that sounds really difficult.’ Then remind them of your support, this may sound like ‘I am here for you, if there is anything I can do please let me know’ followed by showing appreciation for them being open, you could say ‘it was really brave for you to open up to me about this, I really admire your strength.’

This then enforces the idea that honesty is strength rather than denial whilst the use of a compliment on character still provokes a positive mindset without dismissing or undermining how they are feeling.

It’s important to remember that to constantly be in a state of happiness is unrealistic, emotions are like waves both positive and negative emotions will come and go and therefore we should strive for acceptance and resilience over consistency. With this in mind hopefully we can minimise the use of toxic positivity and encourage a healthier mindset for ourselves and those around us!